Give Bitter Root The Boot: A Marriage and Family Consultant’s Guide to Overcoming Bitterness

Recognizing the Bitter Root

“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” – Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)

Question: Have you been sitting in bitterness for some time now? Has it been weeks, months, possibly years, and you’re ready to go back to living your life but you just don’t know how? You’re stuck, tired, and weary, and you just don’t know how to move forward.

If this resonates with you, then you’re in the right place! Keep reading because we are going to take real action steps to help us move out of the old way of thinking and feeling and into the new life God has planned for us.

The Reality of Betrayal

Don’t you know that life can be so tough! People lie, cheat, deceive, and betray us. You wake up one day realizing this isn’t the Cinderella story you once dreamed of. The people you thought would always be by your side weren’t… In fact, they might have been the very ones that the enemy sent to destroy you.

If this is you, I AM SO SORRY! I believe you when you say you never deserved this in life. We could stop right there and keep mourning, but the fact of the matter is that you’ve been mourning. You’ve hit a wall. Now it’s time to kick down the door and enter into your new life—a life filled with joy, happiness, and love.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” – John 10:10 (NIV)

Understanding Spiritual Fruit

If you have followed me for any amount of time, you know that I’m big on fruit—spiritual fruit, that is! But don’t you know that bitterness has fruit too? It comes out in our emotions, words, and actions. So while the struggle is real, I have some time-tested action steps that will help you give “bitter roots the boot.”

“By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?” – Matthew 7:16 (NIV)

Let’s Get To Work: Three Essential Steps

Step 1: Become Steadfast and Immovable

“Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.” – 1 Corinthians 15:58 (NIV)

We have to become steadfast and immovable. Now when I see the word steadfast, my brain automatically sees the word FAST. Let me assure you that if you are going to become steadfast and immovable, you better get on a fast—don’t care what you fast. Just fast.

Why Fasting Matters:

We need the power of God right now so that our emotions don’t sway back and forth like the sea with every word spoken to us
Every side eye or harsh comment won’t derail our progress
We become grounded and rooted in what we know to be true—and others can’t move us, can’t take our peace, can’t take our joy

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” – Matthew 6:16-18 (NIV)

Step 2: Go on a 7-Day Word Fast

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

We are going on a 7-day word fast. Get before the Lord and tell Him you plan to honor Him with your speech. What does that mean exactly?

For the next 7 days, your words will be:

Honest
Uplifting
Encouraging
Respectful
Pure
Seasoned with salt

Your words will NOT be full of:

Hatred
Slander
Gossip
Deceit in any manner

Don’t like it? Don’t matter! We’re on a word fast, sugar, so be nice! This fast is awesome because it’s two-fold. In order to be great with our words, we naturally have to put our thought life in check.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Step 3: Go on a Face Fast (Yes, Really!)

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” – Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)

We’re going on a face fast—ya, I said it! A FACE FAST. Is that a thing? Well, it is now.

The Reality: Bitterness leaves lines and indents on your face. It’s like it marks you. It ages you. Say it with me: DEVIL, you can’t have my face! The enemy has taken enough from you!

Your Face Fast Challenge:

Check your face throughout the day
Be intentional about your smile
Be approachable
Stand tall with good posture
Be open and receptive

That look of disgust and despair—that was the old you! The goal is to be and look more like the Lord. The Lord is radiant, beauty, and full of splendor. Trust me, you deserve to look and feel splendiferous!

“Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” – Psalm 34:5 (NIV)

When They Destroyed You: God’s Redemptive Purpose

Acknowledging the Pain

I know! Again, I’M SO SORRY! You feel as if they ruined your life. They ruined you as a person. It’s SO PAINFUL, isn’t it!

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

God’s Redemptive Plan

But what if God allowed this breaking down in your life? What if God allowed the destruction just so He could rebuild you? I’ve come to realize in my own walk with God that sometimes God has to allow the tearing down of an old thing for the purpose of creating something brand new.

Right now, in this moment, God wants to rebuild:

Your heart
Your mind
Your character
Your beauty

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)

The Beauty of Restoration

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 (NIV)

God specializes in taking broken pieces and creating masterpieces. Your pain has not been wasted. Your struggle has not been in vain. What the enemy meant for evil, God is turning for good.

Moving Forward: Practical Steps for Families

For Married Couples:

Practice these steps together as a team
Hold each other accountable in love
Pray for each other’s healing journey
Seek professional counseling when needed

For Parents:

Model forgiveness and grace for your children
Teach your children healthy ways to process hurt
Create a home environment of peace and restoration
Don’t let bitterness become a family legacy

For Singles:

Use this time to heal before entering new relationships
Build a support system of healthy, godly friends
Focus on your relationship with God first
Prepare your heart for future relationships

Conclusion: Your New Beginning

The journey from bitterness to blessing isn’t always easy, but it is always worth it. As your marriage and family consultant, I’ve seen countless individuals and families transformed when they choose to give bitter root the boot.

“He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” – Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

Your story isn’t over. This is just the beginning of your comeback. Trust the process, trust God’s plan, and most importantly, trust that you are worthy of the abundant life He has planned for you.

Remember: Healing takes time, and it’s okay to seek professional help. If you’re struggling with deep trauma or ongoing relationship issues, please consider reaching out.

Contact Information:

Email: [email protected]
Website: THEFAMILYIMPRINT.ORG