Some Things Must Be Destroyed

Destruction is painful! Nothing’s worse than waking up to the fact that something you love is sitting in the ruins. Whether it is a marriage, a relationship, or your very own sense of self that has been shattered—take courage! When God allows destruction to come, it’s an opportunity for you to rebuild. Not your way, His way. Your way was the way of sinking sand and it couldn’t hold what God had in store for you! His way is on the rock and nothing can come against that!

The Foundation Determines Everything

As a marriage and family consultant, my job is to walk alongside couples and individuals through seasons of devastating loss. I get an inside look where dreams lay shattered, where trust has been obliterated, and where the very identity someone built their life upon has crumbled to dust. In these moments, it’s natural to want to gather up the pieces and frantically try to rebuild exactly what was there before. But what if God has something different in mind?

Jesus spoke directly to this reality in Matthew 7:24-27: “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

The storms of life don’t discriminate. They come to houses built on rock and houses built on sand alike. The difference isn’t in the storms—it’s in the foundation.

When Marriage Foundations Crumble

Sometimes the marriage that looks picture-perfect from the outside suddenly collapse under pressure. The couple had built their relationship on shared interests, physical attraction, financial stability, or even religious activity—all good things, but insufficient foundations for weathering life’s inevitable storms. When job loss hit, when illness came, when children brought unexpected challenges, or when betrayal shattered trust, these marriages couldn’t withstand the pressure because they were built on shifting sand.

The destruction was real. The pain was excruciating. But in God’s economy, sometimes demolition is the necessary first step toward genuine restoration.

The Painful Gift of Exposure

Jeremiah 1:10 reveals God’s dual purpose: “See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” Notice the order—uprooting and tearing down come before building and planting. This isn’t cruelty; it’s precision surgery performed by the Great Physician.

When God allows destruction in our relationships and families, He’s exposing faulty foundations that could never support the weight of His intended blessings. That codependent relationship that felt like love? It needed to be torn down to make room for healthy interdependence. That people-pleasing pattern that kept peace but killed authenticity? It had to go for genuine intimacy to flourish. Those communication habits that avoided conflict but also avoided connection? They required complete reconstruction.

Rebuilding God’s Way

The rebuilding process looks radically different from our natural instincts. We want to rush, to fix, to control the outcome. God’s way requires patience, surrender, and a willingness to build according to His blueprints rather than our blueprints.That means you don’t get to control how this all goes down!

You guys! It feels easier to resist this divine building process! It’s painful darnit! You want your old marriage back, even though your old marriage was what led to the crisis in the first place. You want to patch up the walls without addressing the foundation. But those who surrender to God’s reconstruction process discover something beautiful: a marriage stronger than they ever imagined possible.

The Rock-Solid Foundation

What does it mean to build on the rock? In relationships and family life, it means establishing patterns and priorities rooted in God’s character and His Word rather than cultural trends or personal preferences.

Building on the Rock in Marriage:

• Choosing love as an action, not just a feeling (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
• Pursuing forgiveness as a lifestyle, not a one-time event (Ephesians 4:32)
• Speaking truth in love rather than avoiding difficult conversations (Ephesians 4:15)
• Serving one another rather than demanding to be served (Galatians 5:13)

Building on the Rock in Parenting:

• Leading children toward God’s heart, not just behavioral compliance (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)
• Modeling repentance and grace rather than perfectionist facades (James 5:16)
• Prioritizing character development over performance achievements (1 Samuel 16:7)

Building on the Rock in Personal Identity:

• Finding worth in God’s love rather than others’ approval (Romans 8:38-39)
• Defining success by faithfulness rather than outcomes (1 Corinthians 4:2)
• Drawing strength from God’s sufficiency rather than personal competence (2 Corinthians 12:9)

The Promise Beyond the Pain

Isaiah 61:3 offers hope to those walking through seasons of destruction: “[God will] provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

Notice the transformation: ashes become beauty, mourning becomes joy, despair becomes praise. But perhaps most significantly, those who endure this process become “oaks of righteousness”—trees known for their deep roots and ability to withstand storms that topple other trees.

Practical Steps Forward

If you’re currently sitting in the ruins of something precious, here are concrete steps toward God’s rebuilding process:

Resist the Urge to Rush: Give God time to do His deep work. Quick fixes often lead to repeated failures. As Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, there is “a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”

Examine the Foundation: Honestly assess what your relationship, family life, or personal identity was built upon. Were these foundations capable of supporting God’s intended blessings?

Surrender Control: Release your grip on how and when restoration should happen. Proverbs 3:5-6 instructs us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

Seek Wise Counsel: Don’t navigate this alone. Proverbs 19:20 advises, “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and at the end you will be counted among the wise.”

Study God’s Building Principles: Immerse yourself in Scripture to understand how God designed relationships and families to function. His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).

The Unshakeable Life

When you build on the rock of God’s truth and character, you’re constructing something that can withstand any storm. This doesn’t mean you’ll never face difficulties, but it means those difficulties won’t destroy what God has built.

I’ve watched couples emerge from the rubble of broken marriages with relationships more beautiful than they ever dreamed possible. I’ve seen individuals who lost everything they thought defined them discover an identity so secure that nothing could shake it. I’ve witnessed families torn apart by crisis become showcases of God’s redemptive power.

The destruction was real. The pain was excruciating. But what God built in its place was unshakeable.

If you’re in the demolition phase right now, take heart. The Master Builder knows exactly what He’s doing. Trust the process. Surrender to His plans. The foundation He’s laying will support blessings beyond your wildest imagination.

As Romans 8:28 promises, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Even destruction can become a gift when it’s in the hands of our loving Father.

Some things must be destroyed—not because God delights in our pain, but because He delights in building something unshakeable in its place.